Following a lead

What exactly is a Lead?

Sadly, it's not a rhetorical question... I've been made aware that I am unable to follow or generate a lead. The more I think about why I can't follow a lead, the more I realize that I just don't feel it. When I ask myself why, I come up with two ideas.

One side of the argument is both linear and concrete. After someone explains to me where the lead would have taken me, I just don't see why I would want to move in that direction. It tends to feel as if I am putting myself in a compromising situation from which there is not any positive to be gained. If Torre is spinning in place, it does not make much sense to me to spin with them. I think that I would be safer by standing my ground or getting my distance. I will gladly cooperate (within the dojo anyway), and move wherever I am put. But I just don't understand what I'm supposed to be doing and more importantly why I'm supposed to do it.

Then there's the abstract side of the argument. Maybe, learning to follow a lead is a lot like following the rhythm in a song or finding your way when you are lost. Maybe it’s the culmination of all of the details which are subconsciously registered to form a pattern that we can't help but feel. It would stand to reason that this is correct or close to it. But if I'm right, then I have a bigger problem; I have a bad sense of rhythm and a sense of direction. To date, I study maps to get around and count beats if I want to follow a song.

After taking those things into consideration, the same questions reemerge. Why would I follow a lead? And how do I generate a lead if I can’t feel it?